How to keep the spark alive if you’re an older couple?

Decades of shared laughter, a lifetime of memories – but somewhere along the way, the spark in your marriage seems to have dimmed. Is rekindling the flame a lost cause? Absolutely not!

Love and passion can last a lifetime, but keeping them burning brightly as a long-term married couple requires effort. Passion and intimacy can thrive well into your golden years.

Dr Chetna Jain, Director of the Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology at Cloudnine Group of Hospitals, offers valuable insights on how to maintain intimacy and excitement in your relationship. 

According to her, there are certain pillars of intimacy one must keep in mind:

Communication is Key: Open and honest communication is the foundation of a strong relationship. Talk openly about your desires, preferences, and any concerns you might have. Understanding your partner’s needs and expressing your own allows for deeper emotional connection, which fuels physical intimacy.

Prioritise Physical Wellbeing: Feeling healthy translates to a healthier sex life. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and quality sleep improve energy levels, flexibility, and overall health. Don’t hesitate to address any health concerns or medications impacting your libido or sexual performance with your doctor.

Embrace Emotional Intimacy: Deepening your emotional bond adds a spark to physical intimacy. Dedicate quality time together, engage in meaningful conversations, and participate in shared activities. A strong emotional connection often leads to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

How do you add the spark in the bedroom?

If sexual difficulties persist, consider consulting a sex therapist or counsellor.  (Source: Freepik)

The spark need not be invented out of thin air. You can help your relationship develop and nurture it through these methods, said Dr Jain.

Set the Mood: Create a romantic and inviting atmosphere. Dim lighting, soft music, and fragrant candles can help set the mood. A comfortable and distraction-free environment allows for relaxation and enjoyment.

Schedule Intimacy: Busy schedules and fatigue can make spontaneous intimacy a challenge. Scheduling time for intimacy ensures it remains a priority. Knowing you have dedicated time together can build anticipation and excitement.

Stimulate your Mind: Keep your mind active and engaged. Read erotica, watch romantic movies, or take a couples’ workshop to inspire desire and generate new ideas to explore together.

Embrace Newness: Experimentation keeps things exciting. Explore new positions, different environments, or incorporate sensual activities like massages. Feel free to introduce fantasies or role-playing as long as both partners are comfortable. A little novelty can reignite passion.

Focus on Foreplay: With age, longer and more attentive foreplay becomes even more important. Focus on sensual touch, kissing, and caressing to build arousal gradually. Prioritise what feels good for both partners.

Beyond the bedroom

If sexual difficulties persist, consider consulting a sex therapist or counsellor. They can provide personalised guidance and strategies to overcome challenges and enhance your sexual relationship. According to Dr Jain, pursuing individual hobbies and interests can boost your self-esteem and create new topics of conversation. This can positively impact your overall relationship and intimacy.

Dr Jain also emphasises the importance of vaginal health, especially after menopause. Thinning and reduced elasticity can affect sexual comfort. Using lubricants, maintaining relaxed positions, and consulting a doctor about vaginal estrogen (if needed) can significantly improve intimacy.

Remember, a vibrant and fulfilling sexual connection in a long-term marriage is achievable. By prioritising your relationship, taking initiative, and being open to exploration, you can keep the spark alive for years to come.

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