Is ‘Let Them’ theory the key to a happier you?

Do you find yourself constantly disappointed by other people’s actions — like a date who didn’t text you back, or a random stranger trolling you on social media, or even worse, a friend not being there for you when you need them the most? Well, according to New York Times bestselling author and motivational speaker, Mel Robbins, the best idea is to just ‘let them’.

Amassing more than 29 million views on TikTok, the ‘Let Them’ theory is being touted as a game-changing hack, promising to transform your relationships and improve your life manifold. “The fastest way to take control of your life is to stop controlling everyone around you,” Robbins says in the video.

So, what exactly is the ‘Let Them’ theory?

At its core, the theory is deceptively simple. Robbins suggests that by replacing frustration and attempts to control with a simple ‘Let Them’, we free ourselves from the burden of other people’s actions. She argues that the more we try to control a situation — be it a child’s behaviour, a partner’s habits, or even a friend’s choices — the more powerless we feel.

The theory resonated with me in my past relationship. A guy who professed his love to me suddenly stopped feeling that spark. My initial instinct was to ‘fix’ it, convince him that it was just a momentary lapse. But then I came across the ‘Let Them’ theory. I took a deep breath, stepped back, and simply let go. This not only prevented a lot of tears but also a ton of efforts to save a sinking ship.

According to Aashmeen Munjaal, too, this theory holds numerous benefits. “By adopting this perspective, people can become mentally strong and improve their mental health by distancing themselves from societal incidents. Learning to accept that certain things are beyond your control helps you feel less stressed and have a more tranquil outlook,” the mental health and relationship expert told indianexpress.com in an interaction.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Mel Robbins (@melrobbins) 

Recently, another incident also affirmed my belief in the ‘Let Them’ theory. A friend, who was very dear to me, turned out to be a backstabber. Despite everybody telling me that she was spreading rumours about me, I chose to give her the benefit of the doubt. However, my worst fears came true when she turned out to be exactly like people were saying she was. This obviously disappointed me, and I thought of confronting her, but the ‘Let Them’ theory stopped me. I deep down already knew that she had never been a good friend. She was who she turned out to be, and nothing I would do or say would change that. But it did help me understand who the people were who actually mattered in my life.

Smriti Bhardwaj, a corporate trainer and counselling psychologist, believes what I experienced is one of the facets of the theory. “In both friendships and relationships, when we allow the other person to be themselves, we actually get to decide what is right for us rather than holding on to something that we assumed existed — making any relationship more transparent and authentic,” she said.

Not only this. Bhardwaj added that “letting go doesn’t mean ignoring unhealthy behaviours. It’s about identifying what’s within your control and focusing your energy there.”

Finding the ‘Let Them’ sweet spot

The fastest way to take control of your life is to stop controlling everyone around you. (Source: Freepik)

However, like most things in life, the ‘Let Them’ theory thrives on balance. As Sidhharrth S Kumaar, a relationship coach at NumroVani, puts it, “Letting go doesn’t mean abandoning the relationship. It’s about empowering ourselves and others to foster open communication and set healthy boundaries.”

Agreeing, Munjaal said that relying too much on this strategy can lead to apathy, which might occasionally end up encouraging negative behaviours. “Since healthy relationships require involvement, this theory can promote emotional detachment. This mindset can cause you to overlook red flags that might inadvertently compromise your mental health.”

So, perhaps the true power of ‘Let Them’ lies in its ability to shift our focus. Instead of expending energy on manipulating situations, we empower ourselves to react with grace and prioritise our own well-being. Whether it’s a child’s tantrum, a friend’s drama, or even our own anxieties, letting go can be liberating. But remember, it’s not about letting go completely, but rather about letting go of the things we can’t control and focusing on the things we can.

Disclaimer: The copyright of this article belongs to the original author. Reposting this article is solely for the purpose of information dissemination and does not constitute any investment advice. If there is any infringement, please contact us immediately. We will make corrections or deletions as necessary. Thank you.