Esha Deol warns against dating men with a ‘roving eye’; we find out if it counts as emotional infidelity

In an interview recently, actor Esha Deol highlighted several red flags one should spot in relationships. 

Deol, who separated from her husband Bharat Takhtani earlier this year, mentioned that differing lifestyles are particularly harmful in relationships, adding that one should be careful of men with a ‘roving eye’. 

In an interview with Hauterrfly, she said, “When you’re not vibrating on the same frequency as the other, there’s no way that you can click with the person. You should rather attract or be attracted to a person who is on the same vibrational level as you.”

She then emphasised that men with a ‘roving eye’ are major red flags. “You’ve got your arm candy with you, but you’re seeing eye candy, bro. That’s not good,” she added. 

Wandering attention, even if it doesn’t lead to physical infidelity, can erode trust between partners. Emotional fidelity, or remaining fully committed both mentally and emotionally, is essential in fostering a healthy and respectful relationship dynamic.

How does emotional infidelity affect both partners?

Psychologist Malika Chandra tells indianexpress.com, “Emotional infidelity can have the same, if more complex, psychological effects on a partner. They might feel a betrayal of trust, anger, and sadness, lowered self-esteem, and insecurity. However, unlike physical infidelity, emotional infidelity may also bring confusion in the mind of the person being cheated on. The boundaries of emotional infidelity may not be as clear, and therefore open up room for a lot of confusion and self-doubt.”

There may even be a perception of less control when it comes to the person who has cheated, Chandra explains, which may result in the other feeling even worse about themselves. By the same logic, the partner committing the cheating may also carry a lot of confusing guilt about their feelings. 

She states, “On another note if the relationship involves some level of emotional abuse, the partner committing the cheating may even gaslight the other, as emotional cheating can be difficult to define. The person being cheated on might only realise the effects of this gaslighting when enough resentment has already built up within them.”

If the relationship involves some level of emotional abuse, the partner committing the cheating may even gaslight the other (Source: Freepik)

Can a wandering gaze or attention truly be considered a breach of trust?

When it comes to emotional cheating, Chandra states that it becomes very difficult to “define what counts and what does not.” She says, “It is important for the two people in the relationship to have open and honest communication and establish agreed-upon boundaries for their relationship.”

When it comes to the sole act of a wandering gaze, she continues, it may or may not count as an act of cheating. “To understand the nuance of this, you could ask the following questions — Is the wandering gaze intended to be seen by the third person? What is the frequency of this gaze? Is this gaze accompanied by fantasizing, comparing, or seeking validation? Is the person actively seeking further connection? Are they being secretive about their behaviour? How are they responding to their partner’s possible insecurity or reaction? Are they being overly dismissive of their partner’s reaction?”

What steps can couples take to re-establish trust and emotional connection if one partner feels hurt?

Chandra advises that for the partner who has committed cheating, it would be helpful for them to “be completely transparent and open to answering uncomfortable questions from their partner. Completely cutting ties with the third person may be important.” 

She adds that they should also attempt to be patient and provide consistency to their partner to ease some of their anxiety. “There will also be a need for re-building emotional and physical intimacy through both partners. Couples therapy can help identify the root cause and rebuild communication, trust, and intimacy. The partner who has been cheated on may also have to work towards forgiveness, which may take time, effort and commitment,” she says. 

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