When Malaika Arora reflected on her ‘tumultuous’ childhood; how early adversities can lead to personal reinvention in adulthood

Malaika Arora has always been open with the media and public about her journey, often reflecting on the challenging experiences of her early years.

The actor, whose father died by alleged suicide on Wednesday morning, has previously spoken about her “tumultuous” childhood marked by her parents’ separation. In a 2022 interview with Grazia India, she said, “I had a wonderful childhood, but it wasn’t easy. In fact, in retrospect, the word I would use to describe it is tumultuous. But tough times teach you important lessons too. My parents’ separation allowed me to observe my mother through a new and unique lens.”

She spoke about how her parents’ divorce affected her, “I learned a rock-steady work ethic and the value of getting up each morning to do whatever it takes to become fiercely independent. Those early lessons are the cornerstones of my life and professional journey. I am still fiercely independent; I value my freedom and live life on my terms. The world could be going crazy around me, but these fundamental attitudes imbibed during my formative years hold me in good stead.”

Childhood adversities, such as parental separation or other forms of trauma, can leave a lasting impact. However, many individuals often find strength in these experiences and use them as a foundation for personal growth and reinvention in adulthood.

 

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Common psychological impact on children who experience ‘tumultuous’ parental separation

Malika Chandra, a psychotherapist at MC Psychotherapy, tells indianexpress.com, “The experience of a ‘tumultuous’ parental separation on children can directly affect their adult life in many ways. During these important formative years, children form their self-concept, and that guides how they behave in adulthood.” 

“A divorce is already a stressful event for a child,” she continues. “But a ‘tumultuous’ one can create emotional disturbance beyond the threshold of tolerance for a child. This may result in them forming protective strategies as defence mechanisms. The problem is that these stay on in adulthood and contexts where they are not useful anymore.”

For example, if the child’s needs were not met and they did not feel heard, they may learn that expressing their emotions is not useful at all. In adulthood, they may get used to expressing less and tell themselves they are simply “independent” and “can handle things on their own.” This can limit how fulfilled they feel in all other relationships. 

Early childhood as catalyst for personal growth and reinvention later in life

Chandra asserts, “It is important to not minimise the negative impact of childhood adversities in the pursuit of growth and not everyone will be fortunate enough to do so. However, one can become more resilient through such experiences. They can also have a greater capacity for empathy and may even experience increased creativity through adversity.”

Individuals may differ in their innate traits making them differently predisposed to how negative or positive the outcome of adversity is, Chandra notes. Factors that make positive outcomes more likely include social support, financial resources, education, positive cultural beliefs around the adversity, lesser severity and duration of the adversity and subsequent corrective life experiences.

Childhood trauma can also profoundly affect relationships. (Source: Freepik)

Effective coping mechanisms to help individuals turn their early childhood challenges into opportunities for growth 

According to Chandra, how you interpret your situation — your cognitive appraisals — can influence the impact it has on you. “It’s important not to engage in positive toxicity by downplaying your trauma or reinterpreting it in a way that minimises its effects. Instead, fully processing your emotions can be very beneficial. Once you have done this, you may be able to view the situation differently.” For instance, some people understand that their parents are not only their parents but also individuals dealing with their challenges and making mistakes. 

Cognitive reappraisal can also shift how you perceive your role in childhood trauma. For example, you might move from thinking “I am responsible for fixing other people’s problems to be valued” to recognising “I was unfairly given the task of resolving my parents’ conflicts, but this does not determine my worth.”

Childhood trauma can also profoundly affect relationships. Recognising both healthy and unhealthy relationship patterns that stem from childhood trauma is crucial. A common pattern is that individuals may repeatedly find themselves in familiar but unhealthy situations, subconsciously trying to “find a new ending” or prove their worth, says Chandra. “To develop healthier relationship patterns, it may be essential to first focus on self-love and fulfilling your own childhood needs through self-parenting.”

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