Anju Mahendru once said ‘confusion was a part’ of her relationship with Rajesh Khanna: How to handle emotionally unpredictable partners

Rajesh Khanna, Bollywood’s first superstar, was known for his charm and charisma on screen, but his personal relationships were not always as smooth. Actor Anju Mahendru, who dated Khanna for several years, revealed that he would often display intense emotional reactions in a 1987 article published in Screen magazine. 

The article featured interviews with Khanna as well as the three women he was involved with, including Mahendru, Dimple Kapadia, and Tina Munim.

Mahendru revealed, “When we spoke to each other for the first time after almost 17 years, I admit that both of us felt a bit awkward. I didn’t call him Jatin as I used to in the past and he didn’t call me Nikki. I didn’t call him Kaka either. It would have been too filmy.”

Describing what she thought of Khanna, Mahendru said, “Basically he is a very orthodox man, yet somehow he always gets attracted to ultra-modern girls. I know it’s a contradiction, but then Rajesh Khanna is like that. Confusion was a part of our relationship. If I wore a skirt, he’d snap, why don’t you wear a saree? If I wore a saree, he’d wrinkle his nose and say, why are you trying to project a Bhartiya nari look?’”

These unpredictable outbursts are not uncommon in relationships where one partner struggles with controlling their emotions. Dealing with a partner who displays unpredictable or intense emotional reactions can be incredibly challenging. Such behaviours can create a turbulent environment and strain the relationship.

Common underlying causes of such behaviour

Garima Johar, Young Mental Health Advocate 2019, Fortis, and author of Color Outside the Lines, Overthought Thoughts and (Un)Tangles, tells indianexpress.com, “Everyone comes with the baggage of the past. Be it their childhood, some traumatic incidents, past relationships, or simply their ideologies about ‘life’ in general.”

She adds, “The core beliefs can greatly impact the dynamics of a relationship. ‘Triggers’ as we usually call them can cause a partner to show some unpredictable and intense emotional reactions. These are all trauma responses which can make a person flip as a sheer attempt to protect themselves from the hurt they must have experienced or unravel a deep wound which could have caused some harsh memories and feelings to resurface.”

While you might try to make a relationship work with a person who displays intense emotions, you must not forget your mental sanity. (Source: Freepik)

Strategies individuals can use to effectively communicate with a partner who has erratic emotional responses

While communication is the key to a relationship, Johar mentions, effective communication and comprehension is what makes a bond last. “To make your relationship fulfilling with a partner who has intense emotional responses, especially while discussing negative traits or taking criticism, you have to be a little mindful of words.” 

One of the best techniques is elaborating on your feelings instead of making your partner feel like you are accusing them of something. For example, instead of saying, ‘You working late and not prioritising our time together is not fair,’ you can express, ‘I feel like I am not that important when you choose work when we planned a movie night.’

While you might try to make a relationship work with a person who displays intense emotions, you must not forget your mental sanity. Make sure that you clearly communicate your boundaries, be assertive about the things you will/will not tolerate, asserts Johar. 

Steps that can be taken to address and potentially resolve underlying issues 

Johar notes, “Change takes time. Unlearning takes much more time. But your partner should be willing to make conscious efforts to make the relationship work. You can work together to identify what triggers the intense emotional reactions. Understanding these triggers can help both partners navigate challenging situations more effectively.”

However, she continues, one of the tell-tale signs to leave such a partner or seek professional help is when a life situation hinders your personal life and your day-to-day routine. Look out for physical symptoms that show your mental state is highly affected by the relationship. 

If you are feeling stressed more than usual, experiencing constant headaches, or unexplained palpitations, you can try couples therapy to work on issues or make a decision to end it for the better, she suggests.

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