R Ashwin’s journey to 100 Tests, through the eyes of wife Prithi

By Prithi Ashwin

My husband, R Ashwin, is standing on the verge of 100 Tests and our marriage is 98 Tests old. We got married immediately after his debut. Even before leaving for Dharamsala when we were talking, I could only recall a couple of his wickets. Five years ago, I kept a tab of those but after that, the bandwidth reduced. I don’t want to be that obsessed. The 99 Tests have sped past rapidly.

The lifestyle of a professional cricketer is far different from what people assume it to be from outside. Since there was no dating in our pre-marriage life, he didn’t prepare me for married life. As soon as we got married, we were off to Kolkata to play a Test the next day against the West Indies. I wasn’t aware there would be so much media attention. I remember this instance when he was tying the wedding Thali (like a mangalsutra), all I could see was photographers around both of us. And we couldn’t spot the one we had hired for the wedding. It was the first taste of what it meant to be around a cricketer all the time.

I didn’t want the attention that came with this. I was particular about having my identity and didn’t want to get into the web where I’d no control over what was happening around me. I was clueless, starting from packing a kit-bag. I knew what a net session was, but didn’t know training meant additional gym sessions too!

Since he was part of all three formats, and moving from one city to another, I never felt settled at any place. It’s not glamorous. Sure, we are in really nice hotels, but that is pretty much it. The amount of time you get to spend with this person inside that hotel room is very limited and if you are playing at home, you cannot think about stepping out. The crazy schedules and all the commitments take a huge toll.

 

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I don’t know how much of the fact that I love the game contributed to overcoming it. I know I love him but if I didn’t like what he was doing, would I have done what I’m doing today? I don’t have a problem putting him first. But I was very unsettled the first few years, not in the marriage but in how much this profession was taking away from what I could be building with him. First, it was surprise, then shock, then denial. Then it was pure misery. When we had children, I was sacrificing all our time. It took time to understand that if you want to succeed at the highest level, it always comes at a cost, either not spending time with his parents, or with his wife and children.

This sport took over his life from the time he was seven and I took time to realise that sometimes they don’t know anything else. There is no fuel in the vehicle to put into another relationship or another presence in your life.

***

It was Covid that really got us together. In a way, it was a blessing in disguise because we all suddenly realised that he is probably never going to play cricket again. So what is our life about? That’s probably eight-nine years into a marriage when we really lived together under a roof like a normal couple.

It was during Covid that Ashwin realised that family can also be a part of his life. So he expanded a little bit to give us space which gave him more happiness and stability to deal with a lot of things on the field. That is why he has had a detached attachment over the last few years.

***

The big turning point in his career was 2017. In March that year, he told me ‘I’m working on this leg-spin. If it doesn’t come off, I will be out’. I didn’t actually put so much thought into what he said because he was adjudged ICC Player of the Year and ICC Bowler of the Year only a few days ago. And in that 2016/17 home season, he had a stellar performance. But in the middle of the year, he was not part of the white-ball team. Those were really hard days for him.

Ravichandran Ashwin receives the ICC Player of the year and Test player of the year award in 2016 with Kapil Dev and Sunil Gavaskar in attendance. (ICC)

He is someone who seeks clarity and because that was not there, it was very hard for him. He didn’t know if he was dropped or rested. If someone told Ashwin, ‘come here, you are not good enough’, he would get out and work on it. But when he was not told why he wasn’t there, I saw him struggling. And at that point, my plate was full. I had two tiny children. So it was hard for him to actually open up to any of us.

It is probably the only time when he didn’t. And he did seek help from outside, going through counselling. There was a tough period and it was something none of us could help him with. And he needed someone who was from the fraternity who could help him. It took him a year to accept that he was not in the scheme of things. After that he was a different person. Not once was he thinking of comebacks, it was always about being on top of his game.

***
While he’s very meticulous on the field, off the field, thankfully he isn’t! At home, we are so used to not having him that when he comes in, it feels like someone has come into your space. And it is the same for him. I always tell him that after he retires, we have to figure out how it’s going to be. As a father of two children, he is very dutiful. He enjoys school runs with the kids. He has taught them to bat. Maybe after the IPL, he will teach them how to bowl as well. The Tamil film boy he is, he has started to spoil them with movies. He has introduced them to all Tamil cult classics and Vadivelu comedy tracks. So when he is at home, the kids get extended TV time.

Unlike the excitement around his 100th Test, as a family we were very cocooned when he was on 499 wickets. That was because Ashwin did not talk about it. During Rajkot, the kids had just got back from school when five minutes later, he got to 500. And soon, all of us were on the phone answering all the congratulatory messages.

It was then that I heard a sudden scream from aunty as she collapsed, and in no time we were at the hospital. At that point, we had decided not to tell Ashwin because there wasn’t good flight connectivity between Chennai and Rajkot.

So I dialled Cheteshwar Pujara and his family were of great help. And once we found a way out, I called up Ashwin because after the scans, the doctor suggested it was better to have her son around. Over the phone, he sounded so broken and hung up. It took another 20-25 minutes to process what I told him and for him to call back. And thanks to Rohit (Sharma), Rahul bhai (Dravid) and the others in the team and the BCCI — who followed up all the way till he reached here — he got here late at night.

Ranchi: India’s Ravichandran Ashwin with teammates celebrates the wicket of England’s Ollie Pope during the third day of the fourth Test cricket match between India and England, at JSCA International Cricket Stadium, in Ranchi, Sunday, Feb. 25, 2024. (PTI Photo/Vijay Verma)

It was a very emotional moment for him to see his mom in the ICU. And after she stabilised, we asked him to rejoin the team. Given his personality, he would never leave a game like that. And he would have an extreme amount of guilt if he didn’t win the game for his team. Through those couple of days, I realised his yearning for time with his parents is a lot more now and it is coming with age and maturity.

***
Lately, we are talking about life after retirement every now and then. I think the post-retirement topic becomes very important because whether you like it or not, it will give a certain purpose to life after cricket.

We started talking about it 4-5 years ago that he needed to build a set of hobbies that have nothing to do with the game, because you have to have something else that you love. Over the years, it’s become more important that we drive that into him. However, he still hasn’t found anything else (laughs).

As he stands on the cusp of a landmark, his unmatched work ethic and unwavering and insane commitment stand out. I’m hundred percent sure he got it from his parents and I watch in wonder when he extends that to everything he does — be his YouTube channel or playing chess online. I write this as we make our way up to Dharamsala and realise what a pleasure it has been. Congratulations Ashwin. We have come through 99 Tests together. We are so proud of all those that you played and those you didn’t. It has been a beautiful journey and I hope the rest of it gives you as much happiness.

(Prithi Ashwin is Ravichandran Ashwin’s wife, she spoke to Venkata Krishna B.)

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