Selena Gomez ‘had to grieve for a while’ after realising she can’t carry children due to medical issues; here’s how to navigate this reality

Selena Gomez has opened up about her inability to carry her children due to health risks, shedding light on a deeply personal struggle that affects many women worldwide. 

In an interview with Vanity Fair, the 32-year-old former Disney star said, “I haven’t ever said this, but I unfortunately can’t carry my own children.”

Gomez mentioned how she had to come to terms with this heartbreaking reality and mentioned, “I have a lot of medical issues that would put my life and the baby’s in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while.”

The actor and singer was diagnosed with lupus in 2015, where the body’s immune system becomes hyperactive and attacks normal tissue. She then underwent a kidney transplant in 2017 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2020.  

The grief that comes with not being able to conceive or carry a child can feel isolating and overwhelming and can challenge one’s sense of identity and purpose. For those facing infertility, the emotional journey can be long and complex.

Common psychological issues experienced by individuals facing infertility

Malika Chandra, psychotherapist at MC Psychotherapy, tells indianexpress.com, “The desire to have biological children is deeply rooted in human biology, and societal norms often reinforce the preference for biological offspring. Additionally, the individual’s longing to have biological children can be strong.” 

Consequently, she continues, while fertility is often taken for granted, its loss can lead to significant emotional distress, including sadness, depression, and grief. There may also be anger about the perceived unfairness of the situation, and a sense of inadequacy from not meeting one’s expectations or envisioned future.

Open communication within a relationship and working on effective strategies to work through this will be important during this time. (Source: Freepik)

Navigating the grief process associated with infertility

Chandra says it would be “similar to any processing of grief and loss.” In this case, the grief and loss may be about the imagined future. 

The first step would be to acknowledge the situation and your own difficult emotions around it. This will then allow you to take steps to care for your mental health. You may also benefit from finding alternate ways to contact the part of you that wants to nurture, such as by volunteering for children. 

“Educate yourself about the effects of infertility on your mental and physical health as well as alternatives available to you. Make sure you don’t lose your self care practices. You may also want to focus on your relationship with your partner and openly discuss and process your emotions together,” she recommends. 

Role of support systems

It would be very important to build a healthy support network in such cases, says Chandra, adding that when you meet people in the same situation, “you may empathize with them, which may in turn help you empathize with yourself.” 

She mentions, “Seeking professional help can also help you process your feelings and address the feelings of inadequacy. Couples therapy can also be very useful in helping couples navigate such difficult situations in healthier ways.”

It is also important to learn how to set your boundaries with friends and family. While many well-meaning people are trying to offer support, it is alright to communicate if their ways of supporting you are unhelpful.

Open communication within a relationship and effective strategies for overcoming this will be important during this time.

Chandra says, “This is a decision you have to take for yourself, so it is important to try to process the multitude of emotions around it first. This will also help you differentiate between your wishes and the advice given by others.”

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