Rhea Chakraborty questions the need to get married; Why choosing your timeline for life’s milestones can be empowering

Many women in India begin to feel the pressure to marry by the time they reach their late 20s; and actor and entrepreneur Rhea Chakraborty is no stranger to this. She recently shared her thoughts on marriage, stating that at 32, she isn’t ready to take that step yet. 

In a Humans of Bombay podcast episode hosted by Karishma Mehta, she said, “First of all, there is no right age for marriage. Secondly, I’m reaching this place, ‘Karni hi kyun hai (Why do you want)?’ Why do you want to get married?… Why should this be a pressure on you only? Men don’t feel this pressure. Because of the biological clock. Great, you can freeze your eggs. That is also a bit torturous, but please do it because it’s available. Most of my girlfriends either got married in their 40s or got pregnant in their 40s and had children in their 40s. Majority of them did it then.”

She added that she is currently focusing on her career. “”I already have a bunch of friends who did it in their 20s and 30s. When I weigh the two, that side’s winning. In my Excel sheet of pros and cons, the 40 category is winning. I’m 32 and I don’t think I’m ready yet because I want to do a lot of things in my professional life…,” she said. 

Gurleen Baruah, occupational psychologist and executive coach at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “Deciding your timeline for life’s milestones, like marriage and other significant decisions, is crucial for personal empowerment and mental well-being. As adults, we possess the autonomy to make choices that align with our values, feelings, and circumstances. While society may impose norms and suggest ‘ideal’ ages for achieving certain milestones, like settling down or starting a family, it’s important to remember that these are human-made constructs.”

In many Indian families, parents often feel protective and think they know what is best for their children based on their own experiences. (Source: Freepik)

Psychological or emotional benefits to delaying milestones like marriage or having children

Baruah mentions, “There isn’t a set age for reaching life milestones such as marriage or having children. Many people make these decisions when they are younger, and that’s perfectly fine if they are ready and feel fulfilled. The key point is that these decisions should be based on personal readiness rather than the pressure imposed by others or societal norms.”

She adds, “Research has indicated that, from a biological perspective, the part of the brain responsible for effective decision-making, logical thinking, and delaying gratification — the prefrontal cortex — continues developing into a person’s mid-twenties, with the average age of full development being around 25. This suggests that many people feel more in control of their choices and develop a better understanding of themselves after this age. However, this is just an average, and it doesn’t hold true for everyone.”

From a psychological perspective, Baruah states, delaying milestones can allow individuals to gain a deeper sense of self-awareness and emotional maturity. As people age, they often become more secure in their values, desires, and long-term goals. This emotional and psychological growth enables them to make decisions that are more aligned with their authentic selves, rather than feeling pressured by external expectations.

How can people navigate family or cultural expectations while still honouring their own timelines and desires 

Navigating family or cultural expectations while honouring your own timelines for major life milestones can be challenging, agrees Baruah, especially in collectivist cultures like India, where family plays a central role in decision-making. The key to balancing these expectations is through respectful communication and mature dialogue.

She explains, “Start by having an open and honest conversation with your family. Let them know that you deeply value their opinions and love them, but that choosing your own path doesn’t mean you’re disregarding their guidance or being disrespectful.”

In many Indian families, parents often feel protective and think they know what is best for their children based on their own experiences. “It can take time for them to understand that times have changed and that individual preferences play a significant role in today’s decision-making processes,” she promises. 

Discuss the non-negotiables and negotiables openly. For instance, you might let them know that while you respect their concern for your future, you also have specific dreams, goals, or personal readiness that you want to honour before making significant decisions like marriage or starting a family.

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