Ranbir Kapoor says he was always ‘on edge’ because of his parents’ fights: How to identify and address signs of distress in children exposed to parental conflicts

Actor Ranbir Kapoor recently opened up about the impact of his parents’ tumultuous relationship on his childhood in an episode of Nikhil Kamath’s podcast titled ‘WTF is with Nikhil Kamath’. 

Kapoor revealed that he was always “on edge” due to the frequent fights between his parents, Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Kapoor, during a particularly rough patch in their marriage.

He told Kamath, “My parents went through a lot of fights. We lived in a bungalow, so I have spent most of my childhood on the staircases, hearing them fight. I was always scared and on the edge.”

Admitting that he was scared of his father and never saw the colour of his eyes, the Animal actor added, “He never shouted at us, never raised his hand at us, but just because around us his temperament was so volatile that it always scared me.”

Rishi’s cancer diagnosis became a turning point, as he witnessed his mother’s selfless care for his father, ultimately helping his parents reconcile their differences.

Despite his upbringing in a privileged background, Kapoor’s experience is far from unique. Many children grow up in households where parental disagreements are a regular occurrence, and the consequences can be far-reaching. 

While some level of conflict is normal in any relationship, persistent and intense disputes between parents can create a stressful environment for children, potentially leading to long-term emotional and behavioural issues.

It’s essential for parents to recognise that conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. (Source: Freepik)

Common signs of emotional and behavioural distress in children who witness frequent parental conflicts

Gurleen Baruah, occupational psychologist and executive coach at That Culture Thing, says, “Witnessing frequent parental conflicts can significantly affect a child’s emotional and behavioural well-being. While the impact can vary depending on the child’s temperament, certain common signs of distress are often observed. The environment, parenting style, home dynamics, socioeconomic status, and other contextual factors all play a crucial role in shaping a child’s response.” 

Here are some common patterns of emotional and behavioural distress in children exposed to frequent parental conflicts:

Withdrawal and isolation: Children may become withdrawn, spending excessive time in their rooms and avoiding social interactions. They might shut down emotionally, becoming uncommunicative and detached from family and friends.

Speech difficulties: Some children might develop speech issues, such as stammering or difficulty expressing themselves. This can be a manifestation of the anxiety and stress they are experiencing.

Academic problems: Children might struggle with their schoolwork, showing a decline in academic performance. They may have difficulty concentrating in class, exhibit daydreaming behaviours, or appear sombre and disinterested in school activities.

Loss of interest in play and friendships: There may be a noticeable decline in their interest in play and social activities. They might distance themselves from friends and show a lack of enthusiasm for activities they once enjoyed.

Rebellious and stubborn behaviour: In an attempt to seek attention or express their frustration, children might exhibit rebellious or stubborn behaviour. This can include throwing tantrums, being defiant, or acting out aggressively.

Steps parents can take to shield children from adverse effects of their disputes

Baruah says, “It’s essential for parents to recognise that conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. 

“Shielding children from these realities can lead to unrealistic expectations and may not prepare them for handling conflict constructively in their own lives. Instead of striving for a conflict-free environment, parents should focus on modelling healthy conflict resolution.”

Open communication is key, she adds. If a child witnesses a conflict that parents would prefer they hadn’t, it’s crucial to address it directly rather than avoiding the topic.

Validating the child’s feelings is another critical step. Acknowledge their emotions and provide reassurance that it’s normal to feel upset or confused.

“Regulating emotions is an important aspect of this process. Parents should guide their children in recognising and managing their emotions, using techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling,” explains Baruah.  

Creating a stable and supportive environment is also crucial. Ensure that children have access to consistent emotional support from both parents.

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