Priyanka Chopra talks about overcoming setbacks in life: ‘It’s like a death of a dream…

Achieving one’s goals and ambitions is rarely a linear path, often fraught with obstacles, setbacks, and moments of doubt. Actor Priyanka Chopra, who achieved fame and success in Bollywood based on sheer talent and hard work, knows this reality all too well. 

In a candid discussion with James Cavanaugh, she reflects on the rejections and failures she has encountered throughout her multifaceted career, emphasising the vital role resilience plays in overcoming these challenges. 

“You have to allow yourself to feel the rejection, whether that’s in love, whether that’s in your job, whether that’s in life,” she says. 

She shares that it is important to grieve, as it is “like a death of a dream. You have a dream, you have expectations attached to a business or a job… whatever your ambition might be, and when it doesn’t happen, it dies… and you have to grieve it because it was as alive in your mind, that desire was so much (sic).”

 

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Chopra’s journey serves as a reminder that even the most accomplished individuals face adversity, and it is the ability to persevere and adapt that ultimately paves the way for success. 

Gurleen Baruah, organisational psychologist and executive coach at That Culture Thing, explains, “Firstly, it’s crucial to accept that struggles, failures, disappointments, and setbacks are all part of life. Life inherently includes these ups and downs, so challenges and curveballs are inevitable.”

When someone fails, she says that they receive a reality check that failure is possible, “but recovering from it is a choice.” You learn from failure by analysing what didn’t go well, what could be improved, and what strategies you can apply next time as a product of learning from the experience. Rejection is sometimes just redirection. 

Specific strategies or practices that can help individuals build resilience when facing repeated setbacks

“To build resilience, it’s important to first identify what hinders your ability to bounce back. What makes you feel pessimistic about a situation in the first place? According to Dr. Martin Seligman, a pioneer in the field of learned optimism, cognitive distortions play a key role,” informs Gurleen. 

These distortions create narratives that impede our ability to recover from setbacks. He identified three main types of distortions, known as the 3Ps:

Personalisation: Blaming yourself for failures with thoughts like “I’m a failure,” “I’m not enough,” “This always happens to me,” “I’m a bad friend,” or “I’m a loser.”

Permanence: Believing that setbacks are permanent, with narratives such as “I can never learn this,” “My relationships will always be bad,” or “I can never get a good-paying job.”

Pervasiveness: Letting one negative aspect of your life or a single incident overshadow everything else. For example, being unhappy at work might lead you to feel that your entire life is unfair and bad.

It’s important to recognise why you might be reluctant to seek help and to detach yourself from the “ego” mindset. (Source: Freepik)

Once you identify your pattern or a mix of these patterns, Seligman suggests using the ABC model to reframe your thinking:

A (Activating event): Identify what triggered the negative response. Accept the event as it is.

B (Beliefs): Recognise how you think about the event. These beliefs can fall into the 3 Ps. Use positive affirmations to counter negative narratives. For example, change “I’m not good enough” to “I’m doing my best, and that’s what matters.”

C (Consequences): Understand how your beliefs influence your actions. Positive beliefs typically lead to positive outcomes.

Role of family, friends, mentors in helping someone overcome failure 

A supportive network plays a crucial role in helping someone overcome failure. Often, people hesitate to ask for help, thinking it might make them appear weak or fearing judgment from others. 

It’s important to recognise why you might be reluctant to seek help and to detach yourself from the “ego” mindset. When you share your setbacks with others, you realise you’re not alone — everyone goes through difficulties. Sharing frustrations and setbacks can be cathartic and can also lead to new ideas, solutions, and perspectives through conversations, Baruah states.

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