‘Dull as chalk dust’: Tisca Chopra on encounter with attractive former classmate; how physical attributes impact personality

Actor Tisca Chopra, in a conversation with Siddharth Aalambayan on The Male Feminist podcast, shared some intriguing thoughts about beauty, and its effect on a person’s personality and humour.

Chopra said, “As a young girl, I fit the beauty standard. I was fair, I was the North Indian ideal of gori chitti ladki (fair-skinned girl). And I did know the privilege.” She said by the time she started school, she was already a “fat kid”. “There was a girl in my class and she was gorgeous… everyone would be dying for her,” Chopra said.

 

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But, what surprised her was an encounter with the same girl as an adult, a few years ago. “She was as dull as chalk dust. Matlab kuch bhi nahi tha (I mean, there was nothing). Koi personality nahi, koi sense of humour nahi (There was no personality or a sense of humour).”

Chopra believes good looking people are at a disadvantage because they don’t have to put much effort to get attention from others. “But, the ones who are average to…whatever, they have a flying sense of humour, such a zany personality.”

How societal perceptions of beauty, attractiveness impact personality, sense of humour

Dr Mazher Ali, consultant, psychiatry, CARE Hospitals, Banjara Hills, Hyderabad, says, “During formative years, societal perceptions of beauty and attractiveness can significantly influence an individual’s development of personality and sense of humour.” But, he confirms this is the opposite of what Chopra believes to be true.

Someone who is perceived as conventionally attractive, he says, may receive positive reinforcement from society, leading to the development of confident and outgoing personality traits.

“Sense of humour is also affected by societal perceptions of beauty. Those who conform to beauty standards may use humour as a tool for social interaction and validation, employing witty or charming jokes to maintain their status. On the other hand, individuals who do not fit the conventional mold may develop self-deprecating humour as a coping mechanism or as a way to deflect negative attention,” he explains.

Dr Sneha Sharma, consultant psychiatrist, Aakash Healthcare, however, believes that a person developing too much of their sense of self from only their physical attributes may pay more attention and put more effort and time on grooming themselves, which could mean lesser focus on developing other aspects of their personality like their knowledge, intelligence, social skills, empathy and connection.

Concept of ‘social privilege’ and its relation to Tisca Chopra’s observations

“Unfortunately, it’s true that people who are considered attractive based on societal norms, get an easier acceptance, appreciation, importance and thus help them get higher validation from society,” reveals Dr Aasthaa Dewan, life coach, counsellor and behaviour expert. “Therefore, there may not be a need or urge to develop a personality.”

However, the same can be true for those who are considered unattractive. Dr Ali notes, “Individuals who do not conform to conventional standards of beauty may face discrimination or bias, affecting their self-esteem and confidence. This lack of social privilege can impact their personality development, leading to feelings of insecurity or self-doubt.”

Dr Mazher Ali, consultant, Psychiatry, CARE Hospitals, Banjara Hills, Hyderabad says, “During formative years, societal perceptions of beauty and attractiveness can significantly influence an individual’s development of personality and sense of humour.” (Source: Freepik)

Strategies to develop a stronger sense of personality

Individuals who rely heavily on external validation may benefit from various strategies and interventions, as suggested by Dr Ali:

*Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) can help individuals identify and challenge maladaptive beliefs and behaviours related to their self-worth and validation. By addressing underlying insecurities and negative thought patterns, CBT can promote self-acceptance and confidence.

*Practicing self-compassion and mindfulness can aid in developing a more authentic sense of self and humour. By cultivating a non-judgmental attitude towards oneself, individuals can learn to embrace their flaws.

*Engaging in activities that promote personal growth and self-expression, such as creative writing, improvisation, or group therapy, can help individuals explore their identity and develop their sense of humour.

*Surrounding oneself with supportive and understanding individuals who appreciate them for who they are can also be beneficial. Building strong social connections based on mutual respect and acceptance can provide a sense of belonging and validation.

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