This is how you can be an attentive listener in your relationship

In a world filled with distractions and noise, the ability to attentively listen might seem like a lost art. But in the realm of relationships, it’s a game-changer.

Imagine a haven where your partner feels truly heard and understood. A space where vulnerabilities are shared openly, and anxieties melt away in the warmth of genuine listening. This isn’t a fantasy; it’s the power of mindful attention within relationships. By honing your listening skills, you can unlock a deeper level of connection, build trust, and foster empathy like never before.

Mugdha Mahesh Mhatre, psychologist and executive-outreach and content, Mpower- Aditya Birla Education Trust, said that even after developing a strong emotional attachment, sometimes partners start to complain about feeling neglected or that their partner isn’t as attentive as they were at first.

“It is also noticed that the way men and women perceive relationships and how they show affection, love, and care would also differ. What could help us make our relationships healthy is getting aware of what generally people prefer or what has worked for them as a common consensus,” Mhatre told indianexpress.com in an interaction.

Being fully present

When a partner is talking or venting to us, paying undivided attention to our partners should be a priority. If we’re busy and will not be able to give them the time, it needs to be communicated well. We should not come across as distracted, on our phones, or trying to finish other chores. Sitting across from our partner or beside them, maintaining eye contact and empathising will work wonders for maintaining the connection.

Validating emotions

Our first instinct, out of protectiveness, could be to reduce our partner’s pain but it is important to understand that we shouldn’t get into problem-solving mode immediately. Validating their experiences and feelings could reassure them. We can show our understanding by saying “Must have been hard”, “It is an upsetting situation”, “I can see your efforts here” or in general using a compassionate tone.

We should make an effort to be genuine with our partners so that we can have open communication.

Ask open-ended questions

Ask questions that let your partner talk and go into detail about what they feel. It also makes them feel heard and gives an impression that you are genuinely interested. It helps us foster a meaningful conversation with our partners.

Create a safe and non-judgemental space

Everybody needs an unfiltered no-judgement zone once in a while. It might help if we could create a space in our relationship to have these difficult conversations without jumping to conclusions, blaming our partner, guilt-tripping them for decisions they can’t change, or shaming them for the decisions they chose to make. We should make an effort to be genuine with our partners so that we can have open communication.

Non-verbal cues

A major part of being attentive comes from the non-verbal cues. When the relationship grows, communication becomes nuanced, you form layers of understanding, and the “unspoken” starts becoming apparent. It might take some time for people to get accustomed to each other’s habits, behaviour, tone, likes, dislikes, etc. We should put in efforts to try and recognize these patterns and use them to nurture and strengthen our relationship.

Physical affection

Sometimes, words can’t suffice how we want to show support or it may be mentally taxing to reassure someone verbally always. In times like these, gentle taps or hugs can prove to be very comforting. These could help partners feel closer and more attentive towards each other all the while cultivating a sense of emotional fulfillment without saying a lot of things or sometimes, just sitting in silence.

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