Relationship expert suggests your attachment style can affect your dating success; what can help

The way you perceive and act in relationships — whether it is a familial or a romantic one– what comes into play is your attachment style. Anxious attachment style that psychologists say develops during infancy due to inconsistent parenting, can “block your dating success,” according to relationship and attachment specialist, Rose Viggiano.

1. You require daily contact with someone you just met
2. You don’t express needs and say “it’s all good”
3. You get physically intimate quickly
4. You expect exclusivity from the start
5. You don’t ask questions that could reveal “red flags”
6. You overshare intimate stories and feelings quickly

 

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If you identify as having an anxious attachment style, here’s what you can do to foster healthier, happier connections:

Dr Shailesh Jha, consultant psychiatrist, Indraprastha Apollo Saarthak Mental Health Services, New Delhi listed the following:

*Identify the root cause: Reflect on childhood experiences that may have contributed to feelings of abandonment and rejection. Consider seeking therapy or counseling to explore these issues further.

*Practice mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises regularly to stay present and reduce worries about the future of relationships. This could include meditation, deep breathing exercises, or grounding techniques.

*Reframe worrisome ideas: When negative thoughts arise, challenge them by considering evidence to the contrary and adopting a more realistic perspective on your partner’s availability and reliability.

*Accept discomfort and dispute: Instead of avoiding conflict or making assumptions, communicate openly with your partner about your concerns. Practice active listening and strive for understanding rather than escalation.

*Communicate effectively: Express your concerns honestly but respectfully to your partner without emotionally dumping on them. Ask for their preferred methods of seeking comfort or support.

*Develop self-confidence and self-soothing skills: Work on building your own sense of security and reassurance independent of your partner. Engage in activities that promote self-care and self-esteem.

*Set boundaries and prioritise needs: Establish clear boundaries within your relationship and assert your own needs. Balance your commitments and obligations to maintain a healthy equilibrium.

If problems persist, Dr Ashima Ranjan, consultant – psychiatry, Yatharth Super Speciality Hospitals suggested seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. “Therapeutic interventions, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) or attachment-focused therapy, can be beneficial in reshaping thought patterns and improving relationship dynamics,” she noted.

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