How to deal with a difficult manager in the workplace

In the ever-evolving professional world, encountering challenging relationships with managers is a shared experience. At some point or the other, many have to deal with the complexities of working with a difficult manager.

A 25-year-old PR professional, who worked with an ad tech startup in Gurugram for approximately eight months, said her colleagues in the office were “generally pleasant”.

“But my direct manager was not very friendly. Communicating with her was challenging, as she expected straightforward answers without seeking our opinions,” she recalled.

She also said her former boss tended to “take professional matters personally and held grudges against people”. “The toxic environment led to the departure of around six employees during my time there,” she added.

A strategy consultant said he had “tough managers twice”. “The first time I was able to get along well with time… learned a few things and got a good exposure…but the second time that thing didn’t work out. I had to resign. So, no one method works for everyone,” he said.

Working with a difficult boss

If you have faced such a situation, know you’re not alone in navigating this professional challenge.

Working with a demanding manager can be trying — involving communication barriers, conflicting expectations, or a leadership style misaligned with your preferences. The impact of such challenges on your well-being and job satisfaction is undeniable, experts say.

“It’s crucial to recognise that difficult manager-employee dynamics transcend industries, roles, and company sizes. Colleagues across diverse professional backgrounds share similar stories marked by frustration, stress, and the quest for solutions,” said Abhishek Joshhi, Founder, Strengths Masters.

However, behind professional titles, everyone is a person.

Kinds of difficult managers

Dr Harshil Shah, consultant psychiatrist, certified therapist and counsellor categorised difficult bosses into various kinds.

Short-tempered ones: They often tend to get irritable and lose their temper very easily, even on trivial issues. “They have difficulty controlling anger and would often burst out. The employees under them often tend to get quite overwhelmed due to frequent anger outbursts, which leads to them not being able to perform at their full potential,” said Dr Shah.

Passive-aggressive ones: They may not actively confront employees about their mistakes and would rather bottle up emotions and later lash out over some other issue. They may even taunt employees for the work not done well in the past, as these bosses were unable to convey their disappointment healthily when required.

Workplace dynamics can affect your mental health (Source: Getty Images/Thinkstock)

Submissive ones: They may not show any trace of anger or even assertion, even when required for proper functioning and the growth of the company. Such bosses may end up with huge losses, for themselves, the employees, and the company itself.

Cold-blooded ones: They may show no trace of emotion or humanity when it comes to the rights of employees. They may not allow them to take leave even in situations where it’s necessary. They would expect long working hours without taking any consideration of the toll it takes on the employee’s mental health or the compromise they make in their personal and family time.

The processor boss: They often are greatly difficult and expect you to perform at their level. The key to working with them is transparently examining what they need you to do — whether on a day-by-day, week-by-week, or month-to-month premise — and making a defined list of tasks that you simply can cross off as you go. They never think anyone’s doing “sufficient enough.”

Narcissist ones: Narcissist bosses make choices according to their selfish needs, without considering the individuals around them at work. They often adore bootlicking, which is the key to working with them. Attempt to compliment one of their thoughts to assist you in getting on their side.

Communication styles of difficult managers

Dr Shah said managers may use several mechanisms to interact with employees.

Projection: The boss often projects their negative emotions, beliefs, or traits on someone else. Projection is often done to protect themselves from uncomfortable inner conflict and anxiety.

Displacement: This mechanism is a way for bosses to “displace,” or redirect, negative emotions from one source to another — usually from their superiors to employees working under them.

Other defences may include “acting out” and “passive aggression”.

Impact on employees’ mental health

Bosses play a crucial role in people’s mental health and job satisfaction. Toxic workplaces cause immense damage to family systems as well.

These often tend to negatively impact the mental health of employees making them prone to depression, anxiety, adjustment issues, and insomnia (sleep disturbances), forcing them to compromise in family life, and affecting interpersonal relationships.

In severe cases, they may force employees to quit their jobs and suicidal ideations, said Dr Shah.

Mansi Poddar, psychotherapist, and founder, Heal. Grow. Thrive Foundation, said toxic bosses may exacerbate health conditions and long-term stress which is known to cause diabetes and blood pressure issues.

“A difficult boss creates feelings of helplessness and anxiety in employees. Over time, this leads to a loss of motivation, pleasure, and desire to work. This can often manifest as depression and low productivity in workers,” said Poddar.

Finding a way out

Do not overwork at the cost of your own mental and emotional health, as it may negatively impact your physical health and family and interpersonal relationships in the long run, Poddar suggested.

When dealing with a difficult manager, seeking support from colleagues or mentors is invaluable. Sharing experiences and advice alleviates feelings of isolation and provides coping strategies for managing challenging professional relationships. Despite challenges, maintaining professionalism is key.

“Respond to difficulties with a calm and composed demeanour. If possible, learn to avoid reacting impulsively, and take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding,” said Joshhi of Strengths Masters.

Focus on proposing constructive solutions instead of solely dwelling on problems to bridge communication gaps or address specific issues.

However, at times, people have no choice but to learn how to manage such a boss. Here are ways to navigate such bosses:

1) Make sure you are dealing with one before trying to fix your bad boss. Is there a reason for their behaviour, or are you being too hard on them? “Managers, like any individual, may face their own pressures and challenges. Realising this fosters empathy and opens doors to more effective communication,” said Joshhi.

2) Understanding why your boss does or cares about certain things can give you insight into their management style.

3) One of the challenges of unlikable people is that they come with equally unlikable behaviour—and it’s important to learn how to distance yourself from that behaviour.

4) If your boss has anger management issues, identify what triggers their meltdowns and be extra careful about avoiding those.

5) At times you have no choice but to simply stand up to the boss and engage in conflict or contact a higher-up and change roles.

6) If possible, having an honest conversation might help. If the situation involves inappropriate behaviour or breaches of professional boundaries, clearly communicate your limits. “Establishing and enforcing boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy work environment,” said Joshhi.

Here’s how to tackle a difficult boss (Source: Freepik)

Remember that your experience with a difficult manager is a part of your professional journey, not the end of it. “It’s an opportunity for growth, resilience, and the development of essential skills in navigating workplace dynamics,” said Joshhi.

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