Do you feel like a ‘failure’ despite all your achievements? You might be dealing with your ‘inner critic’

Does the voice in your head sometimes go: “You suck….”? “What the hell have you done?” “Ugh, not again!” This is exactly what your inner critic sounds like. Dr Rohan Kumar, a consultant psychiatrist at Regency Hospital, defines it as the “internalised voice or thought process that individuals develop, often unconsciously, which tends to be harsh, judgmental, and critical of oneself.”

You might be thinking, “How can this inner critic really affect us, after all, it’s just ‘a voice in our head’?” Well, this ‘inner critic’ can have a profound impact on an individual’s emotional well-being and self-esteem. “This inner voice can be a relentless adversary, casting judgments upon one’s actions and achievements,” Neha Cadabam, a psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospital, explained.

So, what is the solution? Can we really silence this inner critic?

To put it softly — no, but we can manage it.

Picture the inner critic as the driver of our body. Like any driver, it can be experienced or inexperienced —prone to making mistakes. Rather than attempting to change the driver (which we can’t psychologically), the focus should be on training it to avoid future accidents. “Since this phenomenon is rooted in negative self-talk— a concept within cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) — individuals can seek therapy to help identify and challenge these thoughts to promote healthier thinking patterns,” noted Dr Kumar.

What are the steps to manage this inner critic?

First, said Cadabam, is to recognise the signs. “Acknowledging that you are grappling with an inner critic is the foundational step. This unveils the battleground where self-doubt clashes with self-acceptance.”

Some common indicators include:

Negative self-talk: Constantly berating oneself with harsh words and self-criticism.
Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards for oneself and feeling inadequate when these standards are not met.
Overgeneralisation: Drawing sweeping conclusions about personal abilities or worth based on specific instances of perceived failure.
Catastrophising: Magnifying the importance of mistakes or setbacks, viewing them as disastrous.
Low self-esteem: Feeling consistently unworthy or lacking in self-confidence.

Now that you know the indicators, it is important to subject this inner critic to rational scrutiny.

“Imagine: you just received accolades for a significant project at work. Despite external validation, the inner critic might surface, whispering, “You got lucky this time?” In such a scenario, distinguish between its realistic and unrealistic claims. Evaluate whether the criticisms align with objective reality or if they are born from irrational self-perception,” said Cadabam.

What are the other strategies?

Journaling for insight: The act of journaling can be a powerful tool for unraveling the inner critic’s patterns. Documenting these self-critical thoughts provides a tangible record, revealing recurrent themes and triggers.

Cultivating self-compassion: Enhancing self-compassion is a pivotal strategy in addressing the inner critic. This involves treating oneself with the same kindness, understanding, and support that one would offer to a dear friend facing similar challenges.

Positive affirmations: Encouraging the use of positive affirmations helps counteract negative self-talk. Creating and repeating affirmations that emphasise one’s strengths and abilities. Consistent practice can gradually shift the inner narrative towards a more positive outlook.

Setting realistic standards: Set achievable and realistic goals. Perfectionism often fuels the inner critic, so learning to embrace the idea that nobody is perfect and that mistakes are a natural part of growth is crucial for silencing self-critical thoughts.

Non-reactive response: It is paramount not to act impulsively based on the inner critic’s judgment. Self-compassion, as practiced, allows you to refrain from self-criticism and instead respond with kindness and patience.

 

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Dr Kumar highlights that in some cases, the guidance of a mental health professional is essential. “Therapists, counselors, or psychologists can provide tailored strategies and support to address specific challenges related to the inner critic. These professionals employ evidence-based approaches to help individuals navigate and overcome self-critical tendencies.”

In conclusion, the journey to manage your inner critic is daunting, but worth it. “It requires introspection and challenging irrational beliefs, leading to the growth of a kinder, more understanding relationship with oneself. Remember, you have the capacity to tame this inner critic, and in doing so, unlock the door to a more emotionally resilient and self-affirming existence,” Cadabam asserted.

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