Esha Deol recalls how constant comparisons with mother Hema Malini affected her: Experts explain the impact on mental health and self-esteem

Esha Deol, daughter of Bollywood icons Dharmendra and Hema Malini, has spoken about the constant comparisons she has faced throughout her career, beginning with her debut film Koi Mere Dil Se Poochhe.

Despite being born into a celebrated film family, Esha’s journey in the industry has been accompanied by relentless scrutiny over how she measures up to her mother, who is considered a legend in her own right. 

When asked about the guidance she received from her parents throughout her career, she told Bollywood Bubble, “The advice came gradually as I started working in films and faced certain challenges. My parents never offered unnecessary advice; they only stepped in when I approached them with an issue.” 

She continued, “I remember after my first film, the comparisons between my mom and me began. I had a conversation with her, and she told me very clearly, ‘This is going to be a part of your journey. You are here because you’re passionate about your work, and it won’t work if this is going to affect you. You have to learn not to let it get to you and just keep going.’ And that’s exactly what I did.”

Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your own worth and recognising that you’re on your unique journey. (Source: Freepik)

Being compared to others can create a significant emotional burden, particularly when those comparisons focus on living up to the expectations set by a successful predecessor. Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist at Cadabam’s Mindtalk, says, “Being perpetually compared to another person, especially in a public or professional setting, can leave lasting psychological scars. It’s like being trapped in a perpetual race where the finish line is someone else’s achievements, and no matter how hard you try, you’re always playing catch-up.”

This can lead to

Crushing Self-Esteem: Constant comparisons chip away at your sense of self-worth. It can make you feel inadequate, as if your accomplishments pale in comparison to the other person. This can lead to a negative spiral of self-doubt and a reluctance to take risks or pursue your own goals.

Anxiety and Performance Pressure: The pressure to live up to someone else’s standards can be immensely anxiety-inducing. It creates a constant fear of failure, where every action is scrutinised and judged. This can hinder performance and creativity, as you become more focused on avoiding mistakes than exploring your full potential.

Resentment and Jealousy: Comparisons can breed resentment towards the person you’re being compared to, even if they are loved ones. It’s easy to feel envious of their successes and resentful of the expectations placed upon you. This can strain relationships and lead to feelings of isolation.

Loss of Identity: When your worth is constantly measured against someone else’s, it can blur the lines of your own identity. You might start to question your unique qualities and passions, leading to a loss of direction and purpose.

Coping with the pressure: Building resilience and self-worth

While comparisons might be unavoidable, Cadabam mentions, there are strategies to cope with the anxiety and self-esteem issues they can trigger:

Self-Compassion: Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your own worth and recognising that you’re on your unique journey. Remind yourself that comparing yourself to others is inherently unfair, as everyone has different strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities.

Focus on Your Own Growth: Shift your focus from external validation to internal growth. Set personal goals and celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small. This can help you build confidence and a sense of accomplishment independent of comparisons.

Limit Social Media Exposure: Social media can be a breeding ground for comparisons. Limit your exposure to platforms that trigger negative emotions and surround yourself with positive influences that uplift and empower you.

Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, allowing you to challenge negative self-talk and cultivate a more accepting and compassionate mindset.

Seek Professional Help: If comparisons are significantly impacting your mental health, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support in developing coping mechanisms and building resilience.

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