Is it normal to hurt everytime you have sex?

Imagine this: the lights are dimmed, the mood is set, and anticipation hangs heavy in the air. But then, instead of passion igniting, pain throws a wrench into the works.

Sex should be enjoyable, a source of intimacy and connection. Yet, many people experience pain during sex, leading to frustration and a diminished sexual experience.

Dr Anita Shyam, sex and intimacy coach, Chief Medical Officer at sexual health startup Qurex, explained why sex can be painful and offers a roadmap to transforming it from a potentially uncomfortable act into a pleasurable experience for all.

Pain during sex: When is it normal and when is it a red flag?

While some mild discomfort might occur during the first few sexual encounters or after a long break from intimacy, persistent or severe pain is a sign that something isn’t right, said Dr Shyam.

Here’s a breakdown:

Mild Discomfort Might Be Okay: This could happen during your first sexual experience or after a period of sexual inactivity.

Pain is Not Okay: Persistent or severe pain, especially when accompanied by bleeding, discharge, or difficulty participating, requires attention.

Many women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not just vaginal penetration. (Source: Freepik)

The missing piece is a lack of understanding

Dr Shyam highlights a crucial aspect often overlooked: knowledge around female pleasure and the necessity of foreplay. Here’s why it matters, especially for unpainful sex:

Preparation is Key: Foreplay prepares the body for sex, ensuring both physical and emotional readiness.

Beyond Penetration: Many women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation, not just vaginal penetration.

Enhanced Experience: Proper foreplay increases arousal, lubrication, and emotional connection, leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience.

How to make sex more enjoyable

Dr Shyam offers practical tips to transform sex from a potentially painful act to a pleasurable experience:

Prioritise Intimacy: Spend quality time together, fostering a deeper connection before sex.

Open Communication: Discuss sexual needs and desires openly and honestly.

Focus on Pleasure: Let go of performance anxiety and focus on generating mutual pleasure.

Embrace Romance: Create a romantic atmosphere to set the mood.

Schedule Time: Schedule regular sex dates to prioritize intimacy.

Exploration and Experimentation: Be open to trying new things, exploring different positions, and introducing sex toys or accessories if desired.

By understanding the root causes of pain during sex and implementing these tips, couples can create a more enjoyable and fulfilling sexual experience for all. Remember, open communication and prioritizing pleasure over performance are key to a healthy and satisfying sex life.

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