A marriage should remain between two people, says Vidya Balan; ‘You can’t bring in another person…’

In a recent interview, actor Vidya Balan emphasised the importance of not letting family issues interfere with a married couple’s relationship. 

“To realise that marriage is between two people and should remain between two people at all times, whatever it takes to achieve that, communication, and sharing, is very crucial,” she told India Today. 

She added, “You can’t bring in another person, whether that’s family or friends, no one can be a part of the relationship between two people, especially a marriage.”

Balan’s opinion brings to light an important aspect of modern marriages – the challenge of balancing family relationships while nurturing a strong marital connection.

Many young couples find themselves navigating complex family dynamics alongside their marriage. It’s common for families to have expectations and opinions about how a couple should live their lives, which can sometimes create tensions or conflicts within the relationship. 

Mental health and relationship expert Aashmeen Munjaal says, “The differences in traditional and modern values can lead to conflicts. Also, unwanted interference from extended family members can hamper relationships.” 

It can cause miscommunication and misunderstandings between one and the other, she admits, causing confusion and conflicts. A different communication style or way of thinking can lead to differences because it can arise from different perspectives and different ways to interpret the information. 

So, how can couples effectively manage family dynamics to ensure a harmonious and fulfilling marriage?

Gurleen Baruah, organisational psychologist and coach at That Culture Thing, says, “From a psychological perspective, maintaining a strong marriage while fostering positive relationships with respective families requires effective communication, boundary-setting, and a commitment to shared values.” Here are some strategies and communication techniques she suggests couples to integrate:

Establish clear boundaries with sensitivity to attachment styles

Couples can begin by setting clear boundaries with their families while considering each partner’s attachment style. For instance, partners with anxious attachment styles may need reassurance and validation when setting boundaries, while those with avoidant styles may require space and autonomy. By understanding and accommodating each other’s attachment needs, couples can navigate boundary-setting discussions with sensitivity and mutual support.

Couples can proactively identify interpersonal dynamics and triggers that may arise during family interactions. (Source: Freepik)

Communicate openly about childhood experiences

Encouraging open dialogue about childhood experiences within the marital relationship can deepen understanding and empathy. Partners can share how their past family dynamics shape their current perceptions and behaviours. By validating each other’s experiences and offering support, couples can foster a sense of emotional connection and solidarity, strengthening their bond as they navigate family interactions together.

Recognise interpersonal dynamics and triggers

Couples can proactively identify interpersonal dynamics and triggers that may arise during family interactions. By recognising patterns of behaviour influenced by past experiences, partners can develop strategies for managing potential conflicts or misunderstandings. For example, if one partner tends to feel criticised by their family, the other can offer support and validation, creating a united front that prioritises the marital relationship.

Address transference and projection with empathy

Couples can approach family interactions with awareness of how past experiences may influence their perceptions and reactions. By acknowledging and discussing instances of transference or projection, partners can offer understanding and empathy to each other. This allows couples to navigate family dynamics with greater compassion and resilience, minimising the impact of unconscious processes on their relationship.

Seek therapeutic support for integration and growth

Couples may benefit from seeking therapeutic support to integrate psychological insights into their communication and boundary-setting strategies. Through couples therapy, partners can explore how psychological factors such as attachment styles and childhood experiences impact their relationship dynamics. By working with a therapist, couples can develop personalised techniques for prioritising their marriage while maintaining positive relationships with their families, fostering growth and resilience in their journey together.

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