Does ‘pyaar dosti hai’ still stand true? Is it better to be friends before getting into a relationship?

“Pyaar dosti hai” – this dialogue from the megahit 1998 film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was enough to make women across the nation swoon over Rahul. Even though the overall plot of the film seems problematic to many in the modern generation, these words seem to have struck a chord with the audience through the years. 

Julian de Medeiros, a popular influencer and assistant lecturer in international relations at the University of Kent, resonated the same thought in a viral reel recently, attributing a loving relationship between two partners to a strong foundation of friendship. But is that the case when it comes to love? Are relationships bound to fail when two strangers meet and fall in love? 

Relationships that have grown from friendships come with a wealth of positive attributes such as honest communication, shared values, respect, and compatibility. Relationship expert Aashmeen Munjaal shares that a strong bond of friendship is important as it allows both partners to be “playful” with each other and makes tough times a little easier to bear. 

There are three stages of a relationship that has flourished from a friendship, according to clinical psychologist Priya Parulekar. During the first stage, there is a “physical attraction or a chemistry which the individuals may or may not act upon, depending on the level of attraction that they feel towards each other. The second stage entails a deeper “mind or emotional” connection leading to emotional exclusivity. In the final stage, the couple enters an “intellectual stage” of the relationship where they enter into an official partnership through marriage (or live-in), where they share responsibilities as a family. What is worth noting is that the most important component of all three stages is friendship. “There can be no relationship at any stage – body, mind or intellect without friendship,” she says.

The most important factor in a healthy relationship is communication. (Source: Freepik)

Munjaal stresses that the meaning of friendship is very subjective to each individual, so understanding what a potential partner brings to the table by being friends first can be very helpful. This can help couples avoid any misunderstandings in the future and be sure of whether they want to stick with each other for the long-term. “Even if you have been strong friends, ask yourself what is the common interest or basis of this friendship. Is it laughter, or is it honesty, or good presence – answering these will help you to self-assess if these qualities are sufficient for you to choose your life with an individual and take a practical approach to shortlisting someone from being a romantic partner.”

Dr Komal Manshani, clinical psychologist at Artemis Hospital Gurugram aligns with the same belief. “Partners who were close friends before entering into a relationship tend to have a deeper knowledge of each other’s personalities, values, strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes, leading to a greater acceptance and appreciation of one another. This pre-existing bond often transforms into a more resilient romantic relationship,” she says. 

The most important factor in a healthy relationship is communication, which can stem from two individuals being friends as it makes sharing achievements and failures easier. Not just this, effective communication is crucial during fights, which are natural to occur when there are misconceptions and friction. There is a feeling of trust and security that comes when a partner has been a good friend for a long time. Sachin Mehla, an ICF-certified relationship coach validates this by saying that “efficient communication built throughout the friendship phase” is a significant contributor to collaborative relationships. 

When asked about whether pre-existing friendships are essential to develop a loving relationship, Dr Manshani explains that for those who weren’t friends before they began dating each other “a healthy and fulfilling romantic friendship can still develop”.

She adds that eventually, the success of a romantic relationship depends on both partners’ willingness to develop friendship qualities parallel to romantic chemistry, irrespective of whether they were friends before coming into the relationship. 

There are many cases of people who become best friends after becoming partners or getting married, and according to Dr Manshani that can be attributed to “emotional intimacy, shared experiences, and compatibility during the initial phase” of the relationship.

Even though there are several benefits of being friends before entering a relationship, there are many challenges that couples might have to face during as well as after the transition. Dr Manshani suggests that a balance between friendship and romance is “crucial” during the initial stage. She adds, “While romantic chemistry sparks attraction and passion, the foundation of friendship fosters trust, understanding, and companionship.”

Another set of challenges that friends can face when evolving into a relationship has been described by Munjaal, who says that if the romantic relationship does not work out, the friendship overall can be ruined. Additionally, mismatched expectations between partners, establishing a new set of boundaries as well as a sense of losing independence due to the need to prioritising the relationship can be other factors that couples might have to face when they decide to progress from a friendship to a relationship.

“Both the partners should be very careful in navigating this tricky transformation period, and build a solid partnership based on trust, honesty, and communication,” Munjaal said. 

Disclaimer: The copyright of this article belongs to the original author. Reposting this article is solely for the purpose of information dissemination and does not constitute any investment advice. If there is any infringement, please contact us immediately. We will make corrections or deletions as necessary. Thank you.